Monday, October 02, 2006

Ruby and Ben

This past week has been tough. The tragic passing of another beautiful soul has been weighing on my mind. I don't like death. And like other things I cannot wrap my brain around - space, mathematics and taxes - I simply don't want anything to do with it.

Ruby's death re-opened the wound of Ben's death from last year and I haven't stopped thinking about either one of them. They were both beautiful souls who never knew how much they were worth. Somewhere along the way they lost the self-love and strength needed to get through just one more shitty day. I can't tell you how sad I am that these two made the terrible decision to end their own lives. They are loved and missed everyday by so many.

Death is hard enough to process, but suicide completely disrupts the natural order of things. Many people believe it is the most selfish act a person can make. I, on the other hand, refuse to believe that. I have to believe that people who take their own life do so because they feel it's their only choice, and that they are backed up so far into a corner that this is the only way to find the peace they so desperately need. That's the only way I can imagine someone doing that to themselves... and to the people they leave behind. The hard part for those left behind is going their entire lives never getting answers to so many of their questions.

I hope there can be some good to come from these two tragedies. Ruby's memorial service was beautiful and there were so many good messages to be heard. I hope everyone knows just how important they are in this world. No matter how fucked up your life seems, or how deeply drugs and alcohol have a hold of you - please get help and get well. YOU ARE WORTH SO MUCH!!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

i am so sorry.... i just heard that a partner of a friend committed suicide and am still spinning with the idea of the pain... on both sides of it all. i agree with you that it must seem the ONLY choice, which is a terribly lonely desperate place to be.....
i am sorry for your loss.....
big hugs
cin xxx

2:18 PM  

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